Listen up City Slickers !

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt

road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No

matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on

your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why

they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us.


over it. Don’t like it? Rt. 460 goes east and west,

I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have

$150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3

weeks a year.

6. So every person in West Virginia waves. It’s called

being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3

does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You

better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the


8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread,

tomatoes & onions, grits & greens. You really want

sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait


9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer

season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest

Saturday to the firs t of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women,

regardless of age.

11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the

menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad

and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:

meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt,

pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah…. We don’t care what

you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… IT


13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be

brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better

be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long


15. College and High School Football is as important here

as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to


16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water

hazards — itspooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State

Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come

outta there with an education plus a love for God and

country, and they still wave at everybody when they come

for the holidays.

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air

Force, and Marines. So don’t mess with us. If you do,

you will get whipped by the best.

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump

ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it

anymore than we want to see your boxersor the crack in your

butt. Refer back to #1.

20. 4 inches isn’t a blizzard – it’s a flurry.

Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON’T take all

our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This

ain’t Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole

day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will

have you out the next day.

A true West Virginian will send this on!!!

662 total views, no views today