RULES OF RURAL WEST VIRGINIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
Listen up City Slickers !
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt
road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No
matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on
your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why
they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us.
over it. Don’t like it? Rt. 460 goes east and west,
I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have
$150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3
weeks a year.
6. So every person in West Virginia waves. It’s called
being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3
does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You
better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread,
tomatoes & onions, grits & greens. You really want
sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer
season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the firs t of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women,
regardless of age.
11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the
menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad
and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:
meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt,
pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah…. We don’t care what
you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… IT
AIN’T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be
brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better
be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long
15. College and High School Football is as important here
as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water
hazards — itspooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State
Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and
country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines. So don’t mess with us. If you do,
you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump
ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it
anymore than we want to see your boxersor the crack in your
butt. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn’t a blizzard – it’s a flurry.
Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON’T take all
our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
ain’t Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole
day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will
have you out the next day.
A true West Virginian will send this on!!!
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